|
|
You may have notice i'm not all there myself
|
|
|
| Why don't you stay? |
[Saturday,
December 5th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 groggy |
] |
If you were going to die soon and had only one
phone call you could make, who would you call and what
would you say? And why are you waiting?
Relationships are for people who are waiting for something better to come along.
|
|
_._
|
|
|
[Saturday,
July 25th, 2009] |
|
Am I part of the cure? Or am I part of the disease?
|
|
1 _._
|
|
| You're never gonna be alone, from this moment on. |
[Sunday,
June 14th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
E! |
] |
I'm happy. Shoot me. - - -
It's woman's spirit and mood a man has to
stimulate in order to make sex interesting. The real
lover is the man who can thrill you by touching your
head or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.
Marilyn Monroe
|
|
_._
|
|
| I'm the biggest boss that you've seen thus far. |
[Wednesday,
June 3rd, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sasha fierce |
] |
Fantasy love is much better than reality love.
Never doing it is very exciting.
The most exciting attractions are between
two opposites that never meet.
[Andy Warhol]
|
|
_._
|
|
|
[Wednesday,
January 30th, 2008] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
I miss Tyler
|
|
2 _._
|
|
| summer. |
[Friday,
June 8th, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fan |
] |
|
|
1 _._
|
|
| Step one |
[Thursday,
April 19th, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 artistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fray |
] |
It's funny how your worst enemies always seem to turn out to be all of your, best friend's best friends.
It's time for you to choose: the bullet, or the chapstick.
And you are far too cute , or whatever he said.
|
|
_._
|
|
| Happy Birthday Tyler Marie |
[Wednesday,
January 17th, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ironic- Alanis Morrisette |
] |
"if all endings are beginnings, does that mean that all beginnings
are endings? You're trying your best to add people to your life without
changing too much about the relationships you already have."
cancer horoscope
|
|
_._
|
|
|
[Friday,
December 29th, 2006] |
|
i love this
|
|
_._
|
|
| All i want for christmas is you |
[Sunday,
December 10th, 2006] |
|
Jingle Jam was amazing, wow one of the best nights. Except for the fellow drama at 550 am. Oh yeah, party hardy? Hm. Thaiyler Marie es mi pequeno bunny.
|
|
_._
|
|
|
[Sunday,
October 29th, 2006] |
Friends Only
Some People Aren't Lucky Like Us
|
|
_._
|
|
|
[Monday,
October 2nd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mario Vasquez- Gallery |
] |
Lets see, Sunday I woke up and my mom had the day off so Jade, and my mom and I went out and shopped around. I went to Walmart and got a bunch of stuff for Drews car for his birthday. I decorated his car, basically my ritualy, but his was the best I have ever done anyones car. It was amazing. Anyways, Kevin helped me with it. But of course, I did it all, boys aren't artistic. We bought him a Batman steering wheel cover. Kinda my thing. It was hilarious cause I called him when me and Kevin were on our way and Drew was just finishing washing his car, so I went and trashed it. Confetti all over his seats, basically impossibly to step out of his car and not have confetti all over your backside. With, of course loads of neon post-it stickers all over the inside of his car saying Happy Birthday and I Love You. Big 17 only happens once right? Im a great birthday giver. Then again I hate my birthday.
Anyways today at school, something was different about me. Maybe it was the Mountain Dew I drank before, but I felt great and refreshed. Anyways, I had A lunch because of Aldrich's US History Test. Oh how I despise school. But Drew has that lunch so that was good. Later on I went home after school, Drew came over for a bit with David then I went with him to drop off David, then back to my house. His cars so tight. I can't wait to get my car, its going to be alot better then his and more boyish haha. Oh in case no one knew, im getting the same car as drew, but his is red, mines going to be black on black. Im so excited. Anyways we went out to eat for his birthday. It was me him and football players. Kinda out of place? It was fun. So now I return home to homework to do.
|
|
_._
|
|
| cause your so perfect and on one measures up |
[Saturday,
August 26th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 dirty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
veronicas |
] |
why be alone, when we can be together, baby?
you can make my life worthwhile,
i can make you start to smile.
when its through, its through.
fate could twist the both of you.
so come on baby, come on over,
let me be the one to show you.
i'm the one who wants to be with you,
deep inside i hope you feel it too.
waited on a line of dreams & blues,
just to be the next to be with you.
mr. big - "to be with you"
well, woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand.
whose wine? what wine?
where the hell did i dine?
must have been a dream,
i don't believe where i've been.
come on, let's do it again.
do you, you, feel like i do?
peter frampton - "do you feel like we do"
Well, life is (too short), so love the one you got
'Cause you might get runover or you might get shot
[What I Got: Sublime]
|
|
_._
|
|
| Hm, I like someone. |
[Saturday,
August 26th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
relaxed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
box car racer |
] |
This vacation's useless
These white pills aren't kind
I've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive
I miss the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast
I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
Where i laid and told you, but you sweared you loved me more
Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off pretend its all okay
That there someone out there who feels just like me
There is
Those notes you wrote me
I've kept them all
I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall
With every single letter in every single word
There will be a hidden message about a boy that
loves a girl
Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
that There's someone out there who feels just like me
There is
Do you care if i don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
Do you care if i don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is
|
|
1 _._
|
|
| Jear Bear |
[Sunday,
August 6th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 enraged |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
over my head- the fray |
] |
Lindsey just got in. So did Lauren. My best friends are home! Anyways, I slept over at Lindseys the other night, and I had a dream about Jarrett. It was really comforting until the end of the dream. If I can remember Jarrett was just back, he was gone on vacation, and we hung out alot, and I was so so soo happy. I texted him and I was like "Hey call me if you get bored, im bored, I wanna hang out" then all of a sudden im shocked, because I figure out I was talking to his ghost, and it wasn't him at all, and he wasn't on vacation. He's not breathing, he's not here with me. Im tearing up just thinking about it. I miss Jarrett so much. I figured out why I had this dream, earlier that day, I was going through old pictures of me and Jarrett. I miss little Jear Bear. Then Lindsey was reading Michelles journal, and I just started crying. It's just hard deal with sometimes. I don't know, I wish I could go back to that dream so I could be with him again.
|
|
_._
|
|
| while we're young and beautiful |
[Tuesday,
August 1st, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
lady- lenny krafitz |
] |
Today consisted of: Waking up to no awakening of matt? Hm. He had to go into work early, woke me up with a phone call though. Went out to eat with Amber. Met up with the Kyle and Jason. Met up with everyone at Settles Bridge, jumped.. amazing. I love it. Thigh is bruised. Amber dropped me off. Kyle picked me up. Went to the pool with the 10. My usual boys. Except for Brian and Ryan. Brian got his wisdom teeth out, im going to see him real soon. Went home, waited on Matt, again. Just decided to leave. Big party at frontera with the boys and some of there loves. Happy birthday to you. Cute. Went back to Nicks with the boys. Came home.
let the rain fall, i don't care.
i'm yours and suddenly you're mine.
and it's brighter than sunshine.
;aqualung
i got used to knowing that
bliss was more than i deserved.
ill keep on driving so we can talk a while.
i know i could drive all night just to stay here
with you. at the end of the night we'll embrace
and stare at the star-filled sky. would it be
alright if we dont say goodbye this time?
Everyone is hypocritical.
You can hate it, & you can deny that its true, but it is..
So blue eyes, I hold you near, cause
you're the only song I want to hear;
a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere. & i had dreams that i would learn to play guitar, maybe cross the country, become a rock star. & there was hope in me that i could take you there, but damnit, you're so young, but i dont think i care. & if i hurt you, then im sorry. its just this guilt has got the best of me. i love how he breathes booze in the mornin'. its so sexy how he cant remember last night. i made a fatal mistake letting him drink again, well, who the hell am i to tell him how to live his life? We sat there in silence that night, not uncomfortable, just glad to be together.  I have that whole outfit guys. |
|
_._
|
|
| its you and me |
[Sunday,
July 30th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Paralyzed ; Rock Kills Kid |
] |
I like this song.
If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears
I'm so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick
Hear it, I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now
Hear it, I'm screaming it
You tremble at this sound
You sink into my clothes
This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick
-
i'm shutting my doors
and putting my walls back up
i'm closing my curtains
and removing the welcome mat
i'm blocking everyone out again,
because it's so much easier than feeling something.
someone teach me how to do a livejournal cut.
|
|
_._
|
|
| Nowadays I find myself, so far down. |
[Saturday,
July 29th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lethargic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
E! True Hollywood story. Brittany and Kevin |
] |
"If you let your guard down, you may reopen old wounds that never really healed to begin with. However, allowing yourself to feel the pain for a moment leads to a lifetime of full recovery."
-
It's amazing what one person can do. Some people build you up just to bend and break you. Some people bring out parts of you that you had no clue existed. All throughout life we meet people and every single one of them brings something to us, gives us some sort of purpose. We come across people that will hurt us so incredibly much that it seems unbearable to go on with our lives, but the truth is.. We can overcome anything we want to if we believe in it enough, if we have faith in ourselves, in who we are. The most important thing in life is to find yourself, know who you are at all times and stand by that for the rest of your life. No one has the right to tell you who you are or try and control your life cause it's yours. Your life is meant to be lived by no one else but yourself. We sometimes let people get the best of us, destroy us and change our opinions on what we believe is true. Only you can know what's right for yourself, you have the power, you make the choices and you learn. Each experience we go through in life is a lesson to be learned. We all make mistakes, why is that so hard for some to understand? No one should be judged by the mistakes they have made. It's past news people. Everything happens for a reason, and without the hard times, how would we ever realize our true strength? It's only through a time of suffering when we realize how strong we truly are inside, when we realize how much we can actually put up with and deal with before we eventually break.
|
|
_._
|
|
| I like this song. Alanis is great. |
[Friday,
July 28th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exanimate |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
paralyzed- rock kills kid |
] |
Dear Matthew
I like you alot
I realize you're in a relationship with someone right now
And I respect that
I'd like you to know that if you're ever single in the future
And you want to come visit me in California
I would be open to spending time with you
And finding out how old you were
When you wrote your first song
Dear Jonathan
I liked you too much
I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me
And think solely about themselves
And you were plenty self-destrucive for my taste at the time
I used to say the more tragic the better
The truth is whenever I think of the early life
Your face comes up with a vengence like it was yesterday
Dear Terrence
I loved you muchly
You've been nothing but open-hearted
And emotionaly available and supportive
And nurturing and consumatly there for me
I kept trying and pushing you away
I remember how beautiful it was to
Fall asleep on your couch
And cry in front of you for the first time
You were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself
What was wrong with me
Dear Marcus
You rocked my world
You had a charasmatic way about you with the women
And you got me seriously thinking about spirituality
And you would'nt let me get away with kicking my own ass
But I could never really fell relaxed
And looked out for around you though
And that stopped us from going any further than we did
And it's kind of too bad
'cause we could have had much more fun
Dear Luke
We learned so much
I realize we won't be able to talk for some time
And I understand that as I knew you
The long distance thing was the hardest
And we did as well as we could
We were together during a very tumultues time in our lives
I will always have your back and be curios about you
About your career your whereabouts
|
|
1 _._
|
|
|
[Friday,
July 28th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
SexyBack- Justin Timberlake |
] |
So my links above, won't work.. hmph.
Whatever, anyways.
Something to think about.
College.
Alot of my close friends are going to college. It's going to be weird not seeing them in the halls, not being able to hang out with them everyday. Kevin, Keller, Kyle, Andrew, Mark, Ryan C, Ryan H, Jordan, Joe, Bradley, Fields, Leon, Ben, Michael, Jeff, Myers, Nicole, Heather, Alyssa! It's just going to be weird. I just remember coming into highschool, being a freshmen, experiencing new and exciting things. Now we're all already juniors. JUNIORS! Don't you remember coming into highschool as a freshmen, looking up to the juniors? It's just weird to think about. Jade's going to be coming to highschool. My little sister! Thats so weird. We're all driving now! Everyones changed, I love it though. You look back on everything and EVERYTHING is different. You would never look forward to realize where you are at right now, it's just incredible. I love it. Life is going by so fast. You don't really have time to sit and enjoy the greatest things in life sometimes. It's just I don't know what to get out of it.
|
|
1 _._
|
|
| show me a garden thats bursting into life. |
[Wednesday,
July 26th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol <33 |
] |
And youre so tired you dont sleep at night
As your heart is trying to mend
You keep it quiet but you think you might
Disappear before the end
Alexi Murdoch
I want someone provocative and talkative
But it's so hard when you're shallow as a shower
Cute Is What We Aim For
I suggest we learn to love ourselves
Before it's made illegal
Bat your eyes girl, be otherworldly
Count your blessings, seduce a stranger
What's so wrong with being happy?
Incubus.
You are a sell out
But you couldn't even do that right
So your price tag has been slash
And now you're chilling on a half priced clearance rack
Everyone's a let down
It just depends on how far down they can go
Cute Is What We Aim For
Body language is something that you feel
It's just too real to be concealed
Body language is something that you learn
And you just can't get taught
Cute Is What We Aim For
Her bone structure screams
"Touch her! Touch her!"
And she's got the curse of curves
Cute Is What We Aim For
|
|
1 _._
|
|
| oh look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone. |
[Wednesday,
July 26th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
restless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Name- Goo Goo Dolls |
] |
Give back my heart tonight
I'm sick of never smiling cause you're so uptight
Don't call it a crush baby
You know I love you too much to be crushed like that
Pink Spiders
Here it goes again,
Put on that deserving tone
and don't forget that this was all your fault.
It's breathing down your neck
Cartel
For what it's worth, I've always admired you
I always thought that we could make it through
Now look what time can do
It took our masterpiece we built and broke it in two
I always believed in you
I always loved you
The Spill Canvas
Cause when I'm in over my head
I hear the words you said
That someone out there's
Listening to the same song
Feeling the same way that I do
Make me a believer pick up the receiver
And tell me you feel just like I do
Better Than Ezra
So who am I now?
Who do you want me to be?
I can forgive you, but I won't relive you
I aint the same scared kid I used to be
Bon Jovi
You had me several years ago when I was still quite naive
Well you said that we made such a pretty pair
And that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me
Carly Simon
I hope to God I mean a little more then
the sounds that escape your tired 4 A.M. lips
And oh-how I wish I meant a little more then
a symphony of heavy breathing and the friction of hips.
The Spill Canvas
You touch my heavy heart
and when you do
you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
Relient K
well i can't kiss you anymore
and i, i would honestly love you now
but i would lovingly let you down
oh i have the hardest time resisting you
and oh if you
if you feel the same way then how can we be friends
he's right you know
we can't go on like this
and oh i try to give you everything
and if i fail well then i failed
but at least i gave you something
Cartel
|
|
_._
|
|
|
[Saturday,
June 3rd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
crash- gwen stefani |
] |
missing him.. christopher jarrett boston... alot =(
|
|
_._
|
|
| Tell me that its not just me |
[Wednesday,
April 12th, 2006] |
Hm. Whats bugging me lately? Everyones in love. Left and right I turn, and everyones holding hands, showing some PDA, giggling, smiling, being HAPPY. Whats happy? What is this. Some kind of cult? I think im in-capable of falling in love. And don't just say "you haven't found the right guy yet" because im pretty sure I have. Yep.
Anyways. Someone new for me? Someone fun? Maybe Maybe. Possibly not. Possibly so. Depends on if I make up my mind. Alot of "maybes" and thinking going on. Life is pretty eeh, iffy nowadays. Im bringing up my grades so I hopefully won't be able to go to Summer school. Shit what a bummer! Hey im in a bad mood. Bye
I realized im confusing =)
Hmm Love.
|
|
1 _._
|
|
| the west coast has been traumitized and I think im the only one still alive |
[Tuesday,
April 4th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Feel like rain- Motion City Soundtrack. |
] |
Spring Break '06. I have learned alot. I've learned who will really have your back. No one but yourself. It seems that no matter what you do, even if you are the nicest person in the whole fucking world, there's always someone trying to bring you down. This spring break has made me alot stronger, and im glad im getting through it by myself, and not with anyone else 'trying' to help me. I've learned that even your 'best friends' stab you in the back, without you even knowing, cause you're already so numb to the pain. I need to learn to keep my feelings between me and this livejournal. When you want to open up to a person, they seem to open it up to even more people then you planned. But hell, if you wanted more people to know how you felt, wouldn't you want to tell them yourself? Yeah.. just a thought. I don't think it's anyones place but your own to tell your own story, not anyone elses. I just don't care anymore. I have never been this careless before, and I like it. Nothing buggs me. You wanna talk about me? Go ahead, you must have a pretty sweet life because mines pretty damn boring. And when people take some of my ideas im like damn thats cool. I mean I don't think I can explain how much I just don't give a care anymore. I worry about myself, im not worrying about anyone else anymore.. =)
It seems like how every many times I update my livejournal..
Private, Friends Only, or Public,
I always have so much more to say.
|
|
_._
|
|
| im addicted to words |
[Tuesday,
April 4th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indifferent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
seeing red- unwritten law |
] |
The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming, so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open. Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been. So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets. But everything seemed different and completely new to me. The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body. And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet. I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health. I said "I am terribly sorry but there is nothing I can do for you that you can't do for yourself." He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help." So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure. Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile." So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone. And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow. But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself. It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope. That is why I'm singing... Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black. And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve. Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole. But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall. Then I think we would see the beauty. Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges, like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.
Hm. wonderful thing that gets me through the day.
|
|
_._
|
|
|
[Wednesday,
March 22nd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad, guilt,stressed, numb. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sarabeth- rascall flatts |
] |
Today was a hard day for me, and I didn't even realize it till just now, just how hard it was for me. This month has been emtyless and hopeless without Jarrett in my life keeping my hopes up. I read this note today that I was writing Kim and it was about Jarrett and I wrote about how he had me scared for a while, and how im so happy he's doing better. I wish I could've known this was what was going to happen. My mom would be like "I know your going through a hard time, I know its hard knowing he's going to die" and I wouldn't believe it. I thought the medicine was stronger, and was going to help him, I thought he was strong enough to make it thought, I didn't think god was going to put us through this pain. I wish I could have said goodbye to him. I just feel this unbearable amount of sadness when it comes to him.. I miss him more than i've missed someone. I don't know how to explain it, but this is a different pain of sadness.
I miss him so much, I think thats about the 3rd time i've said it here, and i'll say it more as the days pass by. I have chills listening to these songs that remind me of him. I think he's with me. He'll always be with me, I know that for sure. He'll always be my motivation, and my hope throughout the day. I didn't think I could miss him this much, its crazy what you feel when the time comes down to it. I just keep thinking about the funeral and how tore up I was about it. I just keep crying, I want to cry at school sometimes too. Just missing him after 2nd and before, it just hurts. I miss driving with him to volleyball in Edgewater playing his music in his red truck. I miss visiting him at his house trying to surprise him with game and huge balloons and funny cards to cheer him up, when secretly I wanted to break down. I miss fighting with him to sit next to me in the movies, when he would be like "No.. you.. come.. HERE" and I would respong with "NO.. YOU, come HERE" I wish I got up to sit next to him. I miss going to see him at the hospital, how happy I w ould be just to see that he was okay and eating and being a little pistol. Oh he was sucha little pistol. Gosh, I miss him. I miss writing him notes on his white-board, I miss everything. I miss writing him things in his notebook. I miss him..
I miss talking to him about all the girls he likes and how I need to "hook him up". I miss being with him, I miss fighting with him at the football games of were to stand and fighting because we can't see the field. I miss talking to him about bad things that we've only done a couple of times. I miss him taking me home. I miss him after 2nd and how he would scream "WAIT FOR ME!!" because I would act like I would leave him because he would take so long. I miss him yelling at me for all the heartache i've put myself through, I miss everything about him. Everything. He's the bravest person I know. I miss him so much, and I can't even imagine what Michelle is going through. My heart goes out to her. I love you Jarrett Boston, with all my heart, ill talk to you tonight k baby? "I'M GOOD!" Baby I miss you too much.
"I was holding on with both hands and he still slipped away"
Christopher Jarrett Boston. January 10th, 1988 - February 22nd, 2006. His dash made a difference, will yours?
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[Saturday,
January 14th, 2006] |
Hey guys. Nothing's been going on lately really. Just tons of games and cheerleading. Friday night I had a game and my ankles were hurting pretty bad, then I came home and Kevin called me and I went over to his house.. I miss him. But anyways, it was Friday the 13th, full moon. Probably why I went over there.
I woke up on Saturday and went to another game. Then stayed for girls varsity and boys, got to see Joe.. Then I was gonna go w/ the girls to party then I just came home after the boys and I was gonna go w/ Joe but my ankles were killing me so im just gonna stay home tonight, might go out w/ him tomorrow if I don't go to kevins thing//Thats about it. Byeeee
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t1nkurbell's journal
